Club doctors want concussion bar raised

Dale Thomas: requirement to display signs of average intellect may spell the end of his career

Several leading AFL doctors have expressed concern over how to implement the AFL’s controversial new concussion policy with many believing it will render pointless their already questionable adherence to the hippocratic oath.

The new regulations will force concussed players to be withdrawn from play immediately.

“The principal behind the regulation is fine” Essendon Club doctor Bruce Reid said. “Implementation is the issue.”

Club doctors are concerned that to determine whether or not a player is concussed, they must use a standard set of neurological, deductive reasoning and pattern recognition tests designed for a person of average intellect.

“The bar is too high” Sydney club doctor Nathan Gibbs said. “If I was to follow the regulation to the letter of the law, then 75% of my list is in some form of concussed state on a daily basis.”

New St Kilda club doctor Tim Barbour agrees. “Most of the guys’ IQ’s struggle to nudge room temperature” he said. “Stephen Milne only recently learned how to properly use the word ‘the’. So how on earth am I supposed to tell if he’s concussed?”

Players too are incensed at the introduction of the regulation so much so that the issue is threatening to become the third major point of contention, in addition to free agency and equitable profit distribution, during upcoming collective bargaining negotiations.

The AFLPA is believed to have already obtained legal advice on the matter. “It’s pretty encouraging” AFLPA president Ian Prendergast said. “Requiring a player such Dale Thomas to display outward signs of average intellect possibly infringes equal opportunity law and may even be classified as a restraint of trade.”